I never intended to write a book about my experiences, but so much in my life has changed. When I was diagnosed with Lupus, I knew that my time on Earth could be limited. I have already had a near death experience that has reminded me that life is precious and should never be wasted.
I had to get my truth out. Being faced with the decision to go back to school and get a degree, I had to face the reason why I vowed to never step into a classroom again.
I was sexually assaulted in school by a teacher.
I was bullied, harassed, intimidated, and rejected. I committed social suicide by coming forward and telling the truth. No one paid the price more than I did for doing so.
The advice that I have for other women?
- Report what happened to you and save all the evidence that you have.
- Go to a hospital so that you can get checked out.
- Seek counseling right away.
- Understand that if you do come forward with your story, expect that there will be people that will demonize you, get you to recant your story, harass, threaten, or intimidate you. But know that there is an amazing amount of support out there as well. You are not alone and there are many people out there that know what you're going through.
- Staying silent won't help the next potential victim.
- There will be triggers at times. Sometimes the smallest things will take you back to that place. Seeking help can actually help you to deal with the emotions.
- Ignore the apologists that want you to just "get over it". People fear what they don't understand. Give yourself distance from these people and allow yourself to heal in the time that you need to. No one else can tell you when you've had enough time to grieve.
- There is no particular way that a victim of rape "acts" although you'll hear a lot of opinions. Everyone is different and so you will get many different behaviors.
- It's not your fault and you didn't deserve what happened to you regardless of the circumstance. If you walked out of your house naked every single day of your life, you are not "asking for it."
- If you have participated in apologist behavior, educate yourself. Ask yourself,"Why do I think this way?" Then educate others.
Sometimes women can be the biggest rape apologists on the planet. Why? Fear. People destroy what they fear. They may try to destroy you. Some women try to justify a rapist's actions because the world is an easier place to live, if they can find fault with you.
She wore that little skirt. She was out jogging late. Why wasn't she walking with someone? She let him do that to her! She was asking for it. She is an attention whore.
If they can blame you, then the world makes sense. It's like saying, "Hey if I do all the right things, then I won't get raped!" If only it were that simple.
When we demonize the victim, we give him the green light to do it again. And again. And again.
You can get through this. You're not alone.
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November 2012
